Exactly.

I have learned more about my own selfishness through the process of parenting then I ever imagined. Daily I am faced with the responsibilities of caring for a 3 and 5 year old - with a partner to make it easier! Yet I still complain, grumble, get mad (fiery mad if you know me) and can be brought to tears by the foolishness of my children. Through these short 5 years, I have learned more about the insane unyielding, unfathomable, unconditional love of my Father than I could have ever known alone.

Sometimes in America we live at status quo - marriage, house, kids, the pursuit of happiness. Since when was it all about us?? The moment I had Caden, I couldn't imagine NOT loving him. The first moment he disobeyed me and I saw the vile nature of the human heart even in a little person, I realized that I could be upset over the wrong done, yet not lose an ounce of love for him. For the first time, I truly had a sense of how God could love me in spite of myself! And then to love another child! To realize that you don't divide your heart to split the love you have between your kids, but that your heart grows exponentially to encompass them was again a soul awakening spiritual truth for me about hod God could possibly love the millions of us here on Earth, those that have come before and those yet to be born, enough to DIE for us. It just brings me to awe.

So, decidedly I would say that I now love children and *gasp* actually even help out in Sunday School with the Kindergarten age (mostly rambunctious boys). But in reality, I knew American children. I wondered what the kids of Haiti would be like.

The children of Kafou TenTen are just like ours, but equally not at all like ours. Ours may have daily or every other day baths, they may bathe once a week. Ours have toilets and potty training rituals, rewards for peeing in the potty and they go wherever. Oftentimes the littles ones wet themselves and their skin on their legs show the urine scalding or sores. Ours must brush twice a day, get fluoride treatments and even braces for aesthetically pleasing smiles... their smiles are riddled with gum disease, sometimes missing teeth, but smiles none the less. Ours may balk at taking their yummy gummy vitamins, but they live in vitamin deficient bodies whose yellowed eyes and nails show the evidence of malnutrition. Our children pour heaping mounds of sugary cereal over safely pasteurized cold milk, take or buy a well rounded lunch at school and enjoy warm dinners in the evenings while their children may eat one fruit that they pick themselves or a bowl of rice and beans a day. Our kids whine when we make them drink water instead of juice, while they walk 2 miles three times a day to get water for their families; water that isn't even safe to drink (more on that in a future blog post).

The children of Kafou TenTen live in beautiful mountains, play and work outdoors all day long and live in community with their siblings and cousins. I am going to stick with this post just being about the kids I met. I have lots of other things to talk about and I cannot generalize all children from all of Haiti or even all over the world. I know my kids, my community kids and got to know those in a little community whose name means Intersection of Junk or Nonsense. What amazed me is apart from some of the stark contrasts I saw so apparent on the exterior, on the inside these kids were the same as mine. In the Old Testament the Lord wanted to show Samuel who he should anoint as the new King and it says this in 1 Samuel 16:7

7 But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."

And it of course is an easy thing to say and acknowledge in your head that we are more than skin deep, that the inside counts, yada yada. But to see the hearts of these kids impressed on me even more the absolute sanctity of life in us His Image Bearers. I don't get hung up on what God looks like - He is a spirit (John 4:24), eternal and unchanging, but we have been created in His likeness. In Genesis 1:27 it says,

"And God created man in his own image, in the image of god He created him, male and female He created them."

So what am I getting at? The aspects of these children that were reflections of their Maker. They took joy in simple things. They laughed often. They lived in true community with eachother. They shared and gave generously. I remember passing out some snacks and watching siblings make sure their younger siblings got a piece of the snack or made sure they got their own. My fat 31-year old American body huffed and puffed my way back up that ravine from the water source with an 11 year old taking my bag from me and holding my arm, literally pushing me up the mountain. Constantly offering to help. I didn't see major displays of selfishness other than the occasional scuffle over who was first in line for jump rope.

Remember what I feared about kids - needing direction, discipline and attention? What I saw in the beautiful little faces of Kafou TenTen was need. Need for basic nutrition and sanitation. But more deeply a need for direction. The older girls talked of desperately wanting to attend secondary school so they could go to university and become nurses. We asked all of the kids what they wanted to be when they grew up. Most of the girls wanted to be nurses, a few of the boys wanted to be doctors and a few mechanics. One wanted to be a Pastor. They have dreams just like any child would. How could I have ever expected differently? Why was I so surprised to hear their lofty career aspirations? Why did I just type lofty? I think mostly I am being confronted with a big old mirror - that kind that makes you look fat and unattractive and yet is the real mirror. And I'm trying to face some of what I see in me...

...knowing that you were not redeemed with corruptible things, likesilver or gold, from your aimless conduct received by tradition from your fathers, 19 but with the precious blood of Christ, as of a lamb without blemish and without spot.

1 Peter 1:18-19

... All glory to him who loves us and has freed us from our sins by shedding his blood for us.
Revelation 1:5